[part 6] “the Battle with Neptune”
Well, I’m fired up again and focused about staying in shape. Focus is good since as usual, life would throw a few more jab/cross/hook/uppercuts my way.
So I’m exercising again. Life is good. The cosmos are in order. I decided I would surprise my sis with a mother’s day cruise to the Bahamas. I am talking going whole hog here. Exterior cabins, I bought everyone’s tickets, got the dogs settled in the hosh-posh doggie hotel. We’re are Bahamas bound in about a week baby!!!
So what happens??? Cause you know if you’ve kept up with this blog, that ‘sumfin’ was gonna happen. Bam, I lose my job! 12 years of doing the corporate rat race. 12 years of being told I am “part of the XXXX-family” yeah right…family until they decided they’ll find someone to do your job for cheaper.
So not even two weeks after I drop a 4 figure amount on a trip…I have no job. Now bless my family and friends….they say “Cancel. Get whatever money you can back.” I take a deep breath and proudly extend my middle finger to corporate America and tell my loved ones…” Off we go, Royal Caribbean bound. No cell phones, no TV. Just a lot of “don’t worry, be happy.”
How many time do you cruise on a ship before the entire staff knows you??? I swear my sis is like ” Scotty” from Star Trek…..I am pretty sure that sure has the schematic for the ship’s propulsion system memorize. My cruise queen big sissy’s knowledge is proving dangerous, as food readily appears at our side where ever we are. Courtesy of the staff taking care of their “Mari”; drinks of the very high caloric type transport to us magically….even more dangerous because the drinks are of the “don’t show up on my room bill at all” [yeah we kept checking]….LOL!!!
OH, boy so this isn’t good. Vodka tonics, Pina Coladas…not counting the 24/7 pizza parlor on the top deck. Neptune has me locked in and Royal Caribbean is hell bent on sending me into a happily caloric induced 4 day food orgy…..oh boy…..
The pizza, the sandwiches, the cranberry vodka….good friends, good family, good partner….what would be wrong for 4 days to just sit in the sun soaking in alcohol laced coconut water…oh yeah!!!
But remember I had the Vulcan mind-meld thingy going. “Remember” it said. My defensive system from “it’s never too late” was still active. So Kim and I on Day 2 of our water adventure decided we better pull out good old Tony Horton and get him appraised of the dangers of this culinary high seas adventure.
On day two we decide we will exercise early that evening and skip the largest part of the nightly food gorging. Day 1 on the high seas has been smooth, with some high seas. However on a multi-ton boat which prides itself on its passengers being aware of nothing but themselves….who notices the rising waves???
All day we monitor our intake trying to keep a “healthy” pattern going. Meanwhile Neptune apparently started having some sort of lower GI tract issues, because he started getting a little rumbly in the tummy….maybe it was the lobster…who knows.
Now even our multi-ton boat with state of the art stabilizers was no match when Neptune realized he had a serious need developing for Prilozec D. We don’t feel it much walking around, but on deck we can see that the water has picked up considerably. We are actually pretty amazed at how stable the ship is considering the winds and wave. Idiotically comforted we head off to get ready to workout.
Dolled up in our best Olivia Newton, Jane Fonda workout best; we proceed to the deck where the fitness center is located. Our warm-up proceeds without incident with the floor only doing an occasional bobble underneath us.
But like everything else on this fitness journey; nothing remains simple. Down we go to the floor to begin doing push-ups, dips, superman’s etc.
Neptune picks that exact time to really start regurgitating the bad lobster, squid or marinated shrimp he decided to down apparently at lunch time. Now my paralyzing fear of roller coasters [yeah that’s a whole other post….] is now competing with a semi-fear of open water. Neptune it would seem is neither impressed with nor tolerant of any P90X devotees in his state of indigestion and could care less about my Dr. Phil level phobias... A silent, slow chant begins in my lower cerebellum….willing my lava lamp tummy to just STAY CALM!!!!!
The distance between the floor and my hands is varying noticeably. Military push-ups are becoming some weird version of anti-gravity, 1 –arm chatarunga, clap-plyo kinda push-ups. Sit-ups are even stranger; when all of a sudden different parts of my body that should be in contact with the floor are not.
My brain keep saying “just get thru it”. My stomach is slopping around like a lava lamp. Dive Bomber push-ups are getting as dangerous as real kamakazi raids. I am wobbling around like Otis from Mayberry RFD on one of his “Otis days”. I keep looking at Kim and all she does is smile and go “whoa”. Whoa!!!, Whoa??? I want to lay down on the fitness center floor splayed out like a frat boy trying to outrun his weekend drunk. I am desperately trying to be cool and send Neptune calming thoughts.
Neptune “ain’t having none of it”. He wants “the carbon based life forms on the little metal boat to shut up and go to their rooms and let him have his serious case of seafood poisoning or whatever has got him roiled. And this is precisely what all 1,400+ little carbon forms do as everyone proceeds to head to their cabins and batten down the hatches…or whatever…
So day 1 of exercising, goes to Neptune. Me and my lava lamp stomach throw in the flag. I decide, that regardless of Kim’s sad smiles; I am taking my airborne, air assault trained , queasy, lava lamp feeling stomach to bed.
Did we ever win….nahh high seas persisted a good portion of the trip. So we gave in temporarily….no Lost Interest….just the understanding that sometimes you just gotta let it go. We enjoyed the beautifully ship we were on, the lovely Bahamas and our company.
Lost Interest was an enemy no more. I could stay on the program. I was feeling better and looking better. The changes that were happening were becoming noticeable and I was excited to talk about them to whomever seemed interested [or was too dumb to pull away…LOL!] But the changes were definitely getting notices. I found myself being asked more and more questions on what could be done, how it could be done, how was it doing it….all on fitness. Describing more and more my Journey 2 Fitness. Somehow along the way a confusion began setting in that I wasn’t aware of. It wasn’t until I was introduced as being part of a profession that I was not and I corrected the person; that the group in front of me asked….
[part 7]…”you’re not a fitness coach???…really???…
